Subtitute Professor

A friend of mine has to man a booth at an annual trade show in Lost Wages. Each year he asks me to cover a marketing class he teaches. I really enjoy doing this class and take quite a bit of time in preparing the lesson. Nothing too strenuous for the students. It is a 101 class at a community college. I have taught it several times and I've learned quite a bit about the art of substitute teaching. Over the years we have had to come up with a strategy to keep the students in the room. Sadly, I'm not kidding. All of these things are based on experience.

Here is our game plan.

1. Do not announce the week before there will be a substitute instructor. If you do, three people out of twenty five will show up for the class.

2. Arrive for the class at the EXACT time it starts. If you come early people will walk in see you are a substitute and walk out.

3. Start the lesson immediately. If you wait for the stragglers you'll loose a few people who were already seated. "I'll be right back, I forgot something." is a lie.

4. Do not greet the stragglers. If you do, it will give them an opportunity to speak to you and say "Oh, I must be in the wrong room, sorry" and then they will walk. (The other students will rat this person out and tell you the person is in fact a student in that class.)

5. Expect to see the number of people in the class decrease if you give them a five minute bio break.

6. Do not challenge anyone who suddenly stands up and says they have to go back to work, babysit or (fill in lame reason here). It will just
waste your time.

7. Take attendance at the end of class. They all know showing up for class is twenty five percent of their grade. Revenge is sweet!

These people pay good money to further their education but they don't want to show up for class. Hint; If you pay all this money for the course and the books, but don't want to attend the classes, do your self a favor, DON'T register. Use the money to buy some tacos. You can buy a lot of tacos with several hundred dollars and eating a taco won't take as much time as a three credit course.